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3-4-5 Program: Metacognition
Thinking about thinking
Often explained as "thinking about thinking", this is a vital skill.
We all learned how to 'listen' to the body and understand signals of hunger, thirst, fatigue, need for affection or warmth or pain relief. The same kind of self-awareness of our thinking should be a skill everyone has. Listening to and regulating our thoughts and feelings should be a normal part of our day. But we don't think of our thinking as something to be monitored and 'regulated'. Don't we all simply respond to every thought as if it is something important to follow up on? Eventually, most people learn that they do not have to listen to every thought. With experience, we learn which thoughts can be dismissed as random noise, and which thoughts to pay attention to and act on.
Increased self-awareness of how we think and how we may be thinking unrealistically or negatively is one of the best tools a person can develop to avoid unnecessary bouts of depression and anxiety.
The psychology industry professionals call it Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is used as a standard method to refocus negative thinking in a more positive direction by teaching each individual how to recognize and change destructive thinking habits.
This process is not only effective for pin-pointing and reducing harmful thinking habits, it also has other benefits such as increased working memory and enhanced focus abilities.
TO BEGIN:
Try to NOTICE your feelings and thoughts as you have them. This takes some concentration to be relaxed enough to notice how your body feels and what your mind is thinking in each situation.
Whatever your problem is, slowing down enough to LISTEN to your thoughts and follow them to their source will help make clear what you're going through and why. This is usually done with a therapist but can be done alone.
Most people can learn to listen closely to their own thoughts and ask themselves all the probing questions about why and how and when and who. Always connecting your feelings to your life experience... "Where are these feelings coming from? What are they related to? What is making me respond like that?"
This is the detective work we do to pinpoint our own problem. This is also where the challenge of coming to terms with our own wrong thinking comes in. It is possibly one of the most difficult things for a human being to do: realize we are simply wrong about something, accept that we are wrong and change how we think.
For many, it will turn out that their thinking is not the problem but rather coming to terms with past experiences. In that case, CBT is also helpful with the coming to terms process as it enables a person to see their past relationships in a new way by thinking of them in a new way.
Skills to develop:
* ability to recognize your own thought process
* ability to regulate your own thought process
* ability to recognize negative thinking habits
* ability to devise a strategy for changing those thinking habits
* ability to recognize if the strategy is working
* ability to change strategy to something else,
Key idea
People have proven that CBT ("metacognition") can be extremely effective.
Seeing the mechanics of how we respond to things can help guide us in changing bad habits.
Method #1 (cognitive behavioral therapy)
RULE #1 Put worry on a schedule
Designate a “worry schedule”. Pick a time during the day that is reserved for 'going over' your issues (worrying). Ideally you'll be doing journalling and affirmations, so that may be the time period used for your daily thoughts about your issue(s). The rule is that you do not spend the rest of the day 'going over' things, only during the time period you scheduled. This postponement will help break the habit and give you more of a sense of control over what you're doing.
Method 1: The Final Answer
There is a theory that suggests we simply stop thinking at the first anxious thought and go no further. That does not really work for most people. Nagging worries would be artificially suppressed and take up residence in the unconscious where they would continue to distract. A more effective method may be to formulate your “Final Answer” thought as a method to stop the worrying cycles. The Final Answer thought is one that you believe, it answers the worry in a way that lets you authentically put the thoughts aside. There can be more than one but they have to be based on reality. (That is one of the objectives of going through the 3-4-5 Program, to find your Final Answer thought that ends rumination and “wires it” into your thinking habits.)
Example
The first anxious thought that appears is usually about something specific. In this example, the client of a lawyer has a complaint and threatens to sue. The lawyer may then start the worry cycle and go into an anxiety spiral during the months of preparation for a lawsuit. The lawyer could spend enormous amounts of time 'thinking it through' to get prepared and 'solve' the problem and eliminate the possibility of all the other bad things that would happen. Endless nights awake ruminating cause the lawyer's work performance to suffer adding to the stress. It also causes other health problems.
The first thought “If I'm sued I'll lose everything” has to be answered by a thought that is true enough and powerful enough to end the cycle. You have to believe it.
The lawyer realized that he has professional liability insurance. The lawyer can also do other things to protect his career and home. He has to find the final answer thought that can end the worry. What could that thought be? It depends on what the lawyer finds convincing and comforting. The lawyer's Final Answer thought became: “I've never been sued before but if I am, insurance will cover me.” This was believable and effective enough for him to stop worrying because rationally he knew it was true.
How to get to “I trust myself to handle it if it happens”: Using your prior life experience to answer these questions is very effective. Going through the journalling process is an opportunity to find real life evidence of things you have accomplished before. Everyone has solved a big problem at least once in their lives. Use your life history as your tool – when have you solved a problem before? Taking an inventory and being generous to yourself and giving yourself credit for difficult things you have already accomplished is a great exercise and can help you find specific evidence for trusting yourself.
The goal is to get to the point where a general thought like, “I trust myself to handle it if it comes” works for you. Any thought that helps you end the nagging worry and put it away is what you're looking for in your logging and affirmations.
Once you've thought about your life and found evidence of prior problem-solving or even just the ability to survive, you now have MATERIAL to use to craft your own Final Answer thought. This is a tool you can use to end anxiety from now on.
But it still takes effort to make yourself stick to the rules. Once you have anxiety on the run, double down on your efforts and progress will accelerate.
Method #2
The Once-over
Give it the once-over to get to the Final Answer - then STOP
The “once-over" means you can use the designated worry schedule to go over the specific issue thoroughly from beginning to end – but only once and within a set time period (not on-going). As you gain more skill in handling your own thinking habits, you'll get to know the difference between realistic issues that must be included in the once-over and other details that may seem important but are actually inconsequential. This may take time to master but it is vitally important.
Method 2: Accepting Uncertainty
“What stands fast does so, not because it is intrinsically obvious or convincing; it is rather held fast by what lies around it.”
― Ludwig Wittgenstein, On Certainty
Strengthening your ability to handle uncertainty
People tend to need certainty. Especially those prone to worrying: we crave certainty at all times. But that is not how life works so the ability to handle uncertainty is a vital life skill. This is where your work on unrealistic expectations, both positive and negative, can greatly help in reducing anxiety tendencies. You may not be able to control something but perhaps being able to control the things around it (yourself) will be comforting enough. Becoming more comfortable with your emotions will help ease this strain.
There are several methods used to address the overwhelming need for certainty and the cognitive distortions it can create. Using the method of “reality testing” may be the most intense. Otherwise simply questioning your expectations and beliefs and comparing them to an outside measure may help calm unrealistic fears and constant disappointments.
It will also help in coming to terms with the reality that it is impossible to have certainty at all times.
Ask yourself probing and challenging questions like the following in order to strengthen your ability to be less distracted and distressed by the unknown:
Is this problem real and happening now or is it a hypothetical “what-if?” scenario?
If the problem is a hypothetical “what if?”, how likely is it to actually occur?
Has that thing occurred before? Is it a strong enough possibility that it's worth my time and energy?
Are there more realistic possibilities for this?
Is it possible to be certain about everything in life?
What are the advantages of requiring certainty?
How is needing certainty in life helpful and unhelpful?
Is it likely that many situations have a neutral outcome? Could this be one of them?
Is it reasonable to expect to know everything? Do others have total certainty?
Is it likely that being able to live with a small amount of uncertainty on big things is a trait that increases your own well-being?
Once you have strengthened your ability to handle more uncertainty, your anxiety should ease and open the way for more growth and further development. One thing to focus on would be the vital skill of knowing how to accept things that cannot be changed.